Jay (dupin) wrote,

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reflection-name, i love you

i was at work today when I had a really random memory come up. When I was around 17 my parakeet, Chirpa died. . .he was 14 or 15. . .he'd been around pretty much my whole life. I remember coming home after school and telling him how my day went, what life was like, what the weather was like. . .I don't know what kind of coping mechanism that is, but it worked. I cried a lot and eventually I stopped making trips out to the backyard (where we burried him) and accepted his passing. The memory came up because I listened to the GooGoo Doll's song 'Name' a lot during that period, as it reminded me of Chirpa. It made me think about how relationships develop between people as life changes and how you can hold that dear.

it got me thinking about sadness though. Towards the end of his life, we didn't really do much with Chirpa. When I was younger, we used to take him out of his cage and have him sit on our shoulders (and poop ;) ) and fly around the house. But as he got older (and I got older) we all had less and less time for him. . .so we would talk to him now and then, but for the most time we got caught up in daily life and didn't really have much time for him. But when he was gone, I set aside half an hour to an hour a day to go and talk to him after school. I'd listen to the GGD's song and think about him and cry.

Granted he was a big part of my life. There were a lot of memories he was involved in. . .but he wasn't important to me on a daily basis until after he died. I wonder about my sadness over his passing. . .was it that there would be no more happiness between the two of us? Perhaps I was sad that life had come to this turn of events. But with all the most likely cases I could think of, it was based on me. I was sad because he wasn't there anymore. I wasn't sad because he was dead per say, I was sad because I had been deprived. He had been taken away from me and I wasn't ready for that.

"I think about you all the time,
but I don't need to sing. . .
if its lonely where you are
come back down
and I won't tell 'em
your name."

give It up, and make them welcome.
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